Things I Have Learned Since My 0.67 Semester GPA
By Manuel Casasnovas
In light of my graduation (virtual, of course) last week, I wanted to share a personal story with my network about my time at Carnegie Mellon. It is not a story about my proudest moment in school, but instead, it describes some of the worst periods I have ever gone through. I have been debating with myself for over a week now whether or not to post my narrative since talking about my flaws has never been an easy task to do for me. I ended up deciding to post this in the slight chance that it might help anyone in a similar position.
The first half of my time in college was, without a doubt, the toughest experience I have ever had. When I first came to campus, I felt like I did not belong. I will never forget going to an introductory programming class during my first semester and introducing myself to another student that had already studied programming for three years. In hindsight, I could have used this as motivation, but I didn’t. Instead, I decided to shield myself from the embarrassment of working hard and failing by not even trying hard in the first place. I did not go to class – I didn’t even try to cultivate an interest in what I was studying. Instead, I started drinking at least 4 or 5 times a week. I even stopped calling my parents because I was ashamed to talk to them. I got a 0.67 GPA during my second semester. Thinking that this was probably the worst it could get, I didn’t give much thought as to what was going wrong and what needed to change.
Having such a low GPA for a semester at Carnegie Mellon will put you into academic probation. My case was no exception. Many people use this time as a reality check, but I just decided to take some classes I knew I would do well in to avoid any problems with the school.
Even though I was taken off of probation, the main problem was still not resolved: I had lost the ambition and drive that had gotten me accepted to CMU in the first place. I gained 30 pounds (with a lot of fat in those pounds). I did not even apply to any internships until my junior year because I was so afraid of being rejected. After many, many more failures, I finally hit rock bottom while I was home in Puerto Rico for winter break with my family. I looked at a picture of myself and became disgusted with the person I had become. I decided that feeling pity for myself was not going to do anything for me and that I needed to change my habits if I ever wanted to be successful.
The first habit I needed to change was my reluctance to ask for help. It took me a long time to realize this, but every successful person needs help at one point or another. Andrew Carnegie knew that. (The inscription in his tombstone states: “Here lies a man who knew how to enlist the service of better men than himself.”) I was very reluctant to ask for help because I had the misconception that doing so was a sign of weakness. In hindsight, again, it is clear that this is not the case for anyone. In fact, it takes courage to ask for help. Once I started to change this, my academic and personal life became much easier and far more enjoyable. I am blessed to be surrounded by so many people that are always willing to help. Receiving help from others, however, is not a one-way street. If you appreciate what your peers have done for you, you should always consider paying it forward by helping those around you in any way you can.
The second thing I needed to change was the negative influence that the thought of failure and rejection had over me. Even throughout high school, I had never been a person that dealt well with rejection. The problem is not the fear itself, but instead, how that fear can influence behavior. When this fear stands in the way of you even attempting to achieve your goals, you know that things need to change. And changing your reaction to fear does not take a day, or a week, or even a month. It takes every day. Every day you have to remind yourself that failure is okay – not trying is the real problem. Failure is something everyone experiences, and it is only truly bad when you don’t learn or grow from it. As long as you are always learning, failure is something that you should embrace. During my last semester in college, I started celebrating any time I was rejected by a company because it only meant that I was one rejection closer to finding where I was meant to be.
Changing old habits is a very tough thing to do, but it is possible if you are committed. Of course, there are many other challenges you will face as you try to change. For me, these challenges included switching majors and taking the maximum number of units allowed each semester to graduate on time. Still, the second half of my time at CMU was better than the first half because I learned to ask for help and work hard for things even when I knew there was a possibility I could fail. I am now constantly looking for ways to grow. Some of my current projects include learning C & Java, practicing my Italian, and posting on my website more frequently. Thankfully, after more than 150 job applications, I now have a couple of full-time offers. I would not suggest that anyone take the same approach I did to college, and I know that if this post can help anyone at all, then it was worth it. Whether or not my story becomes known as a success story is yet to be determined. What I do know, however, is that I am not satisfied with where I am now. Even though I am proud of the person I have become, I am still very far from where I want to be.
I am looking forward to all the challenges that are to come, and I can’t wait to learn from my future mistakes.
